Creating for Creation Sake
This painting was completed sometime in 2006. At this point in my artistic development, I was really dissecting the female form as much as I could to see, if even in its most distorted form, could it be seen AND if it could be seen, was it still beautiful.
As an artist I think every painting is a step for you to learn how to express yourself in you own words or brush strokes and until you can do it with your own techniques, you lean on others. I see Picasso in this piece and I see Van Gogh in the strokes. I think the color scheme of this painting and the drawing are uniquely mine. I took me about six months of going back and forth with this painting before I felt it was complete. It was so strange looking. I didn’t want to be the creator of something so damn strange. What would people think of me when they see it. “Something is wrong with that girl.” I painted it any way because in the state of real true creativity you are creating and thinking and doing simultaneously and before you know it, a painting like this stands before you.
Here in front of these canvas, I cannot hide the truth of how I feel, who I am and where I want to be as a human being. Even when I wanted to, even when I was scared of how people would judge me as a person, I could not change what I was doing. Now, though painting is still very hard for me to do, I find joy in the fact that what I paint on the canvas is not contained by others perception.
The blue woman is different. She has one eye and her body morphs into these spaces of color and lines; but she is beautiful, strangely so. I think this is when I start realizing too, that I am painting emotional and mental moments of womanhood and femininity – and not just a physical form. That opened my art up more.
